THE PRINCESS AND HER PRINCE

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess (Me) who waited hand and foot on her charming little prince (Mason).  The prince often played video games, while the princess cooked dinner, did laundry and cleaned the house.  On this particular night, the routine was as always.   The princess placed the prince in a chair, with a DS in hand, so she could retreat to the dungeon to get her laundry.  At the Princess' first attempt out to the dungeon,  the prince decided to place the pizza into the hot oven by himself.  The task was accomplished, but the Princess was mad at the prince and told him of the dangers with an oven.  He shrugged her off...  after all....  Princess' are stupid (YES I was called stupid tonight)!!!!  So, with the threat of death to her young prince, the princess retreated to the dungeon for the second time.   The princess had to run through the rain to the dungeon and dreamingly longed for the totinos pizza that she would be able to endulge in once she had completed her dreaded laundry.  Upon re-entering the castle, the princess suddenly smelled something not of the ordinary...  Not really smokey...   Not really burning...  but definitely something not right.   So, with her wet slippers on she proceeded into the tiled dining area...  the smell became stronger and she worried at what it might be...   In no time at all, she was sliding and slipping ever so gracefully on the tile floor.  This way and that way, over and under...  but don't worry, the princess was strong and caught herself before she damaged any part of her body arts.  WHAT THE HECK?   WHY IS THE FLOOR SO SLICK?  I WAS ONLY GONE FOR TWO MINUTES!!!  As the princess looked towards the innocent looking prince, she knew he had been up to no good.... and then she noticed a can.... a spray type can... and immediately knew where the smell had come from.  Do any of you know what happens when you spray buttery cooking spray all over the dining room tile and the princess steps onto it with wet shoes? 

Well here is what happened....    The young spoiled prince learned how to mop the entire floor on his hands and knees!!!!!

I would like to say that it ended there...  but that would not be fun!!!!!

While the prince was on his hands and knees....  the princess was trying to tame her temper....   she knew that if she were to  spank the clever little lad, that the towns people would look down on her...  So she patiently  (ok, not patiently....   more like forcefully)  prodded the prince to tell her why he had done such a ridiculous trick.

The prince did not answer the question, rather he asked the princess if she was mad.  The princess replied with "Of course I am Mad".....   and the prince came back with "Geez you are grouchy"!!!!

and they DID NOT live happily ever after!!!!!    THE END

Funnies :)

DOG NAMES
Laying in bed one night, Mason was telling me a story...  It started out beautifully with "Once upon a time"...   Then took a drastic change with him talking about vampires and coyotes...  (his stories are definitely entertaining, but rarely make sense)
Mason:  "Suddenly the mean coyotes turned into nice dogs.. two dogs!   They were my dogs.  Do you like my dogs mom? they are pretty"

Mom:   "What are your dogs names Mason?"

Mason:   "Hmmmmmmm.......   I think I will name them Twizzle and Syllable" 


EASTER BASKET
Mason was pulling out all of his candy and was super excited.  Then he found his PeePs!!!

Mason: Oh my goodness....   look I got Poops!!

OLD MAN
Mason and I went to the Dollar General the other day..  One of our favorite stores in town (and it's not because it's only one of three :) and as we pull into a parking spot  I hear...
Mason:  What happened to him? 
Mom:  What happened to who?   and just as I finish that sentence I look inside the vehicle next to us and notice a not so well kept man with a full beard and about one tooth.   But before and I can stop Mason, he is out of the car and standing next to his truck waiting for his door to open...   and just as it did....
Mason:  What happened to you?
Guy:  OH... I don't know
Mason:  Why you got whiskers?
Guy:  I just do
At this point I am trying to grab Mason's hand and hurry into the store so he will stop asking questions.
Mason:  YOU'RE OLD (Yelling as I'm dragging him)
Guy:  You're right I am.
Mason:  You're old like a grandpa.  You're really really old
Mom whispering:  shut up mason...  shut up
Mason:  We don't say shut up Mom
Now I just look stupid.... We are to the store doors now, but Mason is refusing to be drug any further...  He wants to talk with this man!!!!!
Mason:  What's in your mouth?   (Remember he is only sportin one tooth)
Mom whispering...  c'mon mason.....  let's go get a balloon, would you like some candy?, or a new car?  (please kid, stop while we are still alive!!  Can't you see that this man may kill us?)
Guy:  Well, there's not a whole lot in my mouth.
Mason:  Blllleeeeeeekkkkkkkk........... ewwwww that's gross!!!!
At this point, I grab some snot filled tissues from my purse and ever soooooooooo gently shove them into his mouth.....   I wouldn't want him to say anything that might embarrass me :)

THE HIGHS AND LOWS OF A DAY IN OUR LIVES!!!!

Raising Mason comes with many HIGHs and LOWs....  some that happen on the same day.   He can absolutely put me in despair and then in a blink of an eye, make it all worth it.   He is such a great kid, who just loves to push me as far as he can...   and push the limits of his environment around him.  On this particular day, I had just gotten home from work.  Before I ever park the car, I must give Mason specific instructions... or he will dart from the car and it will be a long time before I can wrangle him back to the house.  Well, I forgot and Mason was as sly as fox, even getting out of the car before I put it in park.   And he was off....   across the street to see the neighbor’s dog.  I got out of the car to start my screaming session, that the neighbors have all began to hate, but then decided to let him play with the dog.  He loves the dog and the dog loves him.  However, it isn't our dog, so I try to watch him carefully.  I went over with Mason, but he asked me to leave, saying "Mason do it alone...get out of here mom!!"  So I left him alone and walked across the street to talk to the neighbor.  While I was talking with the neighbor, I noticed the dog's owner running out of the house in her nightgown with her oxygen tubes wrapped around her face and she was upset.  So I took off across the street to see what had happened.  When I got over to the house I saw that there was a huge 3 ft. hole in the top of a camper shell (OOOOPPPPSS!!!!!)   The camper shell was on the ground and was being used as the dog's shelter.   I know.... I know.....   I wouldn't necessarily use a camper shell as a dog house, but whatever floats her boat!!  So I make Mason look at me and ask how the hole got there...   several stern questions and he finally admitted that he jumped on it and fell through....  Of course now he wants sympathy by saying that he's hurt :)  HE DIDN'T GET IT!  The neighbor was upset and although the camper shell was old and rotted, I knew that we would have to buy a new camper shell...   I marched Mason home deflated by what had just taken place...  this isn't the first time he has broken someone's property and it won't be the last. (UPDATE...  The camper shell has been replaced!!!   Thanks to my awesome father, a generous friend and a bottle of caulking....   The dog now has a warm place to sleep)  So there is the low....   and now to the HIGH!!!   After a brief breakdown on the telephone and a 30 min timeout for Mason, I had my senses together and I decided to go on with the nights previously planned activities.....EGG COLORING!!!  Only two more days until Easter and grandma Sheila had invited us to her house for egg coloring.  Mason knew I was upset with him, so he was constantly telling me to smile and that he loved me......   So when he pulled one of his eggs out of the dye, and I saw.....  I (heart) ....  I was absolutely sure that when  I rolled the egg over it would say MOM.   However, as I turned the egg over I realized it said wii... (deflated again) lol :)  Yes my son loves his wii more than his Mom!!!!!  But then, the next egg came out and it said I heart mom, so he was saved :) The kids had a blast and Mason laughed and laughed at each egg that came out of the colors.  Here is my high....   4 years ago, he couldn't even say the word mom, let alone spell it... 4 years ago, he had nothing to be happy about!!!  He cried, he threw fits  and correct me if I'm wrong Misty and Kim...... but that year I don't think we even got him to sit long enough to complete one egg.  I am grateful for his growth..... and for the LOWs and HIGHs that he brings into my life :)

VALENTINE'S FUN!!!

I really hope I can do this story justice.... 

Growing up, my family had a yearly tradition on Valentine's Day.  My mother would think ahead of schedule, help us bake and frost heart shaped cookies (from a cookie cutter that was shaped like a heart from the bottom of the  tomato juice can...  she is so clever)  and then drive us around to deliver them.  Such a cute idea...  to show our friends and family how much we love them.  We would lay the freshly made cookies at the base of the door, knock on the door, and run and  hide.  It was so fun for us to watch the person answer the door..  and stand there wondering who had left such delectable treats!  My mother would wait in a parked car and have another plate of cookies ready for the next house when we returned.  Well, I will never be my mother...  Not even if I put forth any effort!!!!!  I will never live up to the woman who will have surgery in the morning and show up for work in the afternoon....  She is an amazing woman!!!

Here's how my Valentine's Day rolls....   Get to work and realize "OH crap..  today is Valentine's Day"!  After school, I run to the grocery store and pay a small fortune for some pink frosted cookies, that probably nobody will ever eat, because they are store bought, not freshly baked.  Oh well, its the thought that counts.  So, once I get home and have collected Mason and wrestled the two dozen cookies out of his hands...  I begin the bagging process.  I have no paper plates so I just use some valentine's cellophane bags.  I unlike my mother, don't even have cute little cards to attach.  I'm a little more classy.. I use a sharpie to write on the bags :)  Then I staple the top of the bag  and we are ready to deliver our gifts.... 


So, we get in the car and I realize that now I have to explain to Mason how this delivering of the cookies will take place.  He won't want me to go with him, because he is now to the point where he has to do everything ALONE..  He tells me "GET OUT OF HERE MOM... I DO IT MYSELF"!!  Ok, so how do I explain the events?  LIGHT BULB... I got it..  I will tell him in "STEPS"!

Mom:  Mason I need you to pay attention  (His head is turned but I hope he is listening)

Step 1:  Put the cookies on the ground in front of the door

Step 2:  Ring the doorbell

Step 3:  Run around the side of the house and hide

Step 4:  Wait for me to honk the horn..  then run back to the car

His head is still turned

Mom: (loudly)  MASON ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?

Mason:  (spoken very fast...) step 1 cookies on the ground...step  2  ring the doorbell... step 3 run and hide.... step 4 mom will honk.

HOLY COW..... He listened to me for the first time in his life...   It's a freakin miracle :)  At this point I am very proud of myself... feeling like I am definitely getting mother of the year award this year...  I'm a genius... A one of a kind...   a role model...   a beacon of light....  (and then mason took me out of my dream land)

Mason:  MOM LET'S GO!!!!

First house...  I pull up and park behind a truck and immediately repeat the steps.  Mason reminds me that I must stay in the car and that he can do it alone.  Then he joyfully jumps from the car... store bought cookies in hand... and bolts for the house.  He places the cookies at the base of the door... but then he starts looking around like he's lost something and I'm thinking...  c'mon ring the darn doorbell and run... why doesn't this kid ever follow directions!!  Mason is now peeking through the windows at the side of the door and his ADD is very apparent as he bobs and weaves.  Up, down and around...   And then finally I see him knock on the door... fly down the steps...  dash to the side of the house and hide!!!  He did it..   YIPPEEEE!!!  After the cookies have been taken inside, I back my car up and give a little honk, to finish off with step 4....  and Mason sneakily headed for the car :)

Mom:  Mason you did a good job!

Mason turns to me and in a very disgusted tone he says......

BUT...Mom Step 2... NO DOORBELL!!

BREAD!!!

Last Sunday, Mason and I actually made it to church on time...   I know that doesn't seem possible, but it's true we are guilty!!  We attend church in a very small building, so there isn't a lot of room.  I like to find a seat in the back on the chapel, so that we don't become some freak side show :)  At least in the back, we don't draw that much attention to ourselves and the older ward member sit in the back with us, so they really can't hear when Mason is talking :)  So, we get there early, but all the back seats are taken...  Son of a Gun!!!!!   After many minutes of Mason telling me that he wanted to sit alone, he spotted an open seat and bolted for it.   Worried that he would run straight to the pulpit and attack the microphone...  I quickly ensued!!  Scene #1 CHECK (only minutes into the meeting)  I grabbed his arm as I caught up to him and swung him sideways as if he were in a turnstyle...   and we both gracefully landed into a seat. Scene #2 CHECK   Of course it wasn't in the back or out of sight..   We were directly in the center of the action.  Then panic set in.  What if he's too loud?  What if he sneezes and snot goes everywhere? (which did happen later in the meeting, but I was prepared!  YEAH mom!)  What if he not so quietly says something inappropriately and the whole ward can hear?  thoughts then turned to... I can do this... I can do this....  The next few minutes went well...   until it was time to be quiet (Sacrament time)! 
(Remember that it is completely silent..  no crying babies..  no coughing grandmas...  SILENCE!!!)

Mason:  (Loudly)  Where's the bread? Scene #3 CHECK

Mom:  (whispering)  It's coming.

Mason:  (Loudly) Do you like bread? Scene #4 CHECK

Mom: (whispering)  Yes I do..  please be quiet Mason!

Then there was about a minute pause in the conversation.....

Mason: (Loudly)  Do you like Pumpkin bread? Scene #5 CHECK

K... I will admit..  I LOVE Pumpkin bread...  But Mason has never had any pumpkin bread..  I have never made it... So where the heck did that come from?

At this point, the folks around us are trying not to laugh... 

The rest of the meeting didn't go much better..  We made plenty of SCENES...  But we were there...  Isn't that all that counts?  :)